Long ago
I jumped willingly
into a deep and black pool.
Ever since that time
I have been desperately fighting
the suction that holds me
to the murky bottom.
I know that it will never
release me of its own choice,
and I have not the strength
to fight it,
so I sit there
in the depths of despair
and of true suffering
wondering if I will ever drown.

For years I have fought
against its power when,
so short a span of time ago,
I saw light
sparkling and dancing
on the surface of the water.
Only inches from my grasp it was.
I stopped everything and stared
wrapped in total awe.
All my thoughts evaporated
into an oblivion, dark and endless.
Here was life,
so close to within my reach.
My heart could not even beat
in the presence of its magnificence.
I could not move;
I knew not what to do,
how to react.
It had been so long since
I had seen light
that now I had long since forgotten
What to do in its glory.

Suddenly, I became afraid,
terrified.
I saw something horrible
and full of evil trickery
in the pureness of the light.
I panicked.
I could not succumb to happiness.
I knew the dark,
knew that it would never betray me.
With the light,
who knew what it could do to me?

I turned and dived,
allowing the suction to take hold again
and drag me back
to the murky depths
that had now become my home.
I knew once more the comfort
and familiar caress
of anguish and tears.
I looked up at the surface
and saw that the light
was barely a pinpoint again.
Realizing then
that I could never reach its warmth,
I cried and suffered
in comfort.

chisa96 04

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